Tilted

Ever just feel like your life is like living in a snow globe? Some days its calm and peaceful and then all of a sudden it gets shaken up and in complete shambles. Today is my day of being shaken up.

Ive had many people in my life I would consider friends who are family. Many that I would do anything for. But one thing in life I live and do daily is be truthful. Today I found out that Ive been lied to on more than one occasion by a very near and dear friend. Now, I understand that this person has no obligation to tell me every detail in their life. However, why is it so hard to tell the truth? Am I THAT judgemental that something as simple as the truth is hard to give? Why have I not seen this happen before?

Ive sat here all day and pondered my feelings. Ive had the ups and downs of emotions. But the one that stands out is hurt. I try to understand that not everyone in life lives by the same moral codes as me. I try and understand that sometimes things are left unsaid. But my heart hurts because Ive given my all to this friend. Ive given up so much. And I sit here wondering…..why? Why am I doing this? Why am I reacting this way? Why am I so hurt? The answer is Ive expected too much. Ive allowed too much. Im reacting because Im hurt, mad, frustrated and sad.

Numerous times today Ive thought about my friendships. Ive thought about who I have opened up to and who has done the same. Im a very trusting person until you give me a reason to not. I forgive easily and love again with open arms. My heart hurts today because this friend means so much to me and now Im jaded. Now Im wounded by them. Will I ever be able to forgive them?

I believe that things happen for a reason. I think everyone we meet in life is meant to cross our paths. Life is funny like that. We live and learn from every experience we encounter. What will I learn from this? I have yet to figure it out. Friendships mean the world to me and right now I can’t say the same for them.